It was a snowy December evening, and I was headed home for Christmas Break of my junior year of college. I blinked back the warm tears as my foot moved from the gas to the brake. I was being reminded of the love of Jesus Christ. And that love felt so far off. For the first time that I can remember, I felt far, far away from him. However, the love of Jesus was beginning to feel familiar to me again. Not yet in the way that walking into work every day feels familiar, but in the way that a cherished childhood memory envelops us with its smells, tastes, and sounds, feels safe to us, and leaves us longing for it. It was in this way that I remembered the love of Jesus on my drive back to my hometown that snowy evening.
The last several months have been some of the most difficult for me spiritually. I have often felt that God was very distant from me, and not very interested in having a relationship with me. I have felt anger, frustration, bitterness, and just plain confusion towards a God that I have professed to love for almost my entire life. It was the first time felt many of these emotions towards God for longer than a day or two, and most of the time, I was embarrassed to feel that way. So, rather than talking with someone, I generally remained quiet about it, praying that it would get better, and then being angry at God when everything stayed the same. I expressed a bit of my frustration to my fiancé the other day, and he challenged me to remember the faithfulness of God. Since I was unwilling, he reminded me of many, many circumstances within the past several months that point to the faithfulness and unfailing love of God.
This blog has been a long time coming, I think. As I think back on the events of the past few months, and even of the past few days, it feels as though I am being pushed in this general direction. And I honestly think that it’s for my own accountability and spiritual growth. See, while I was driving back home yesterday, a lot of thoughts danced around in my mind. Thoughts about God, people, the Bible, music, everything really. The most recurring ones, however, were God, people, and a silly blog. But what will I write about? I thought. Just “having a blog” with no structure seems way too vast to me. I think, though, that tonight, I realized the format for this thing.
I wanted it to be a place where things come together, where we see the extraordinary in the ordinary. Where we remember the faithfulness of God, and don’t have to pretend that things are okay when they aren’t. I just heard a sermon last week about this. The pastor talked about people enjoying themselves while pretending that nothing is wrong. But, as another pastor I trust very much said, “If Jesus doesn’t get to skip the sadness, then neither do we.” This blog is going to be a place where we don’t skip the sadness, but where, in the midst of it, we recount the faithfulness of God. Rather than ignoring the pain and the brokenness in the world and in our lives, we meet it head on with the love, truth, and grace of Jesus Christ. As followers of Christ we do not run and hide, but we walk boldly in the love and in the confidence of a God who has been faithful and who will continue to be.
That’s what this place is. A daily remembrance of the faithfulness of God. The structure will be provided by the pamphlet “A Year With the Bible.” Every day, I will be going through the reading for the day, and hope to supplement my reading with glimpses of God in the ordinary and in the broken, ancient and modern prayers, and quotes from men and women who are following the Father.
In this season of Advent, as we eagerly anticipate the coming of the Messiah, let us remember that he who promised is faithful, and he will be again. I am filled with hope when I think that the God who was faithful to send his son as a baby, to watch him beaten and crucified, and to raise him from the grave is faithful to me even when I am unfaithful. I don’t know what the next year will hold, but I’m looking forward to developing a rock of remembrance over the next several months. I hope that you will join me in this adventure.
I'll leave you with a prayer for Sundays in Advent:
“God, keep us alert for the signs of the gentle touch of your hand upon your world. Whether it be a star in the sky or a voice in the night, help us to have the courage to follow where you will lead, and to rely on your guiding presence along the way. Be with us and use us to give honor to your Son as we witness to his love; for it is in his name that we pray. Amen.” –Mark H. Landfried, Let us Pray.
See you on January 1st.
